As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
