census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
