I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
