I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
