have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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