I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
