Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
