I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
