I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I smell like Dick and happiness
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
