and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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