My sheets look like a crime scene.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
