the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
