drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
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She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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