Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
