mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
