How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
