we're blogging at a bar
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
