90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
