Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
