Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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