Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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