I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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