It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
