Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
