Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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