you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
