dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize