Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
