my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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