I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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