i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
