Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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