Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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