so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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