Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize