thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
