he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
