Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
