It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
