Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
