you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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