she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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