Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
