my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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