he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
