Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
