it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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