he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
pray to the hookup gods
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
