eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
