Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
