the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
