My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
