i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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