Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
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I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
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I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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