Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
