i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
