you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
