My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
even my farts smell like vagina
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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