i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
