i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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