I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
