You made me cry and you don't even care
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
