my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
