I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
