I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize