I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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