just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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