You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
