Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
