It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
