my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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