It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
