am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
