How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
